My daddy's better than your daddy...

Remember sitting down with your peanut butter sandwich at lunch and listening to some hot-shot 8 year old tell you that their dad is currently flying his own private plane over the Maldives with all the Spice Girls? And then that funny little child mind of yours decides that it is necessary to turn this into a competition. So, you outshine hot-shot child with a riveting tale of your father living in the biggest house in New York with 80 maids and has parties every night with up and coming bands that are so much cooler than the aforementioned Spice Girls...

I was very happy moving into my teens and the embellishment could be toned down to a believable level. Except as I move into the adult world these crazy, dramatic competitive spiels have come back! This time however, it's not about your daddy but about your baby...

Maybe you have to have kids to fully understand this attempt to out-do each other, but i just do not get it. The most recent trend is about the intelligence of your child. I had a lady come into the store the other day with her son. Her son was about 8 years old and she was buying him an awful lot of stationery considering HES EIGHT! I have a sneaking suspicion she noticed the look of shock that came over my face as she piled $300 worth of books and pens onto the counter for her small child. She looked at me and with a glimmer of challenge in her eye said "He's intellectually gifted and has just been accepted into the Opportunity Class program." And this is when it all begins. Being oblivious to the challenge i replied "Oh, I was in a class similar to that..."

Little did I know that I had now declared warfare on her child.

"Ah, probably not" she replied "It's only available at his school, which is a boys only primary school by the way. It took months of character tests and examinations. He's highly accelerated and thus needs to be prepared from a rigorous study schedule".

A study schedule? In fact, a rigorous one. He's in primary school! Where they still colour things in! I remember being eight and a book report would involve making a diorama out of an old shoe box and some badly placed cellophane.

Having finally cottoned on to exactly what kind of conversation we were having I intelligently backed off for fear this would escalate into a hair pulling, lady on lady battle. I escaped unharmed, however some are not so lucky.

Many a time I have seen one women mention the mental prowess of her child to another and a battle ensues not dissimilar to the war of attrition. Problem is no one wins. Everyone leaves with a bruised ego and bewildered child.

So, if you think your child is the second coming of Jesus, with the mind of Einstein, leadership qualities of Churchill and sporting prowess rivaling Usain Bolt, keep it to yourself.